I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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