We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
