I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
