If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
