omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
