i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
