I think I died a long time ago.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
