girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
