Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
