6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
