So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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