I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
