can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
