U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
