Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
