I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
