I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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