She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My dick has a subreddit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize