Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
