I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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