Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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