If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize