you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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