she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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