Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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