I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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