WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
