So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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