Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
