i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
