Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
