I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i think i just lost a toe
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
