he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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