he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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