hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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