My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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