Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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