Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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