so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
