Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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