So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
