i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
