That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
