I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
