The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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