dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How does it feel to date your dad?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
