I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
