how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
