Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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