dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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