didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Someone signed my nipple.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
