I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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