Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So squirting runs in the family.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
