weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
