I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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