theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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