I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
