her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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