i would punch a child for taco bell
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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