Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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