I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
