That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
