my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
