You're my little dorito
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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