we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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