he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm passing your future prison.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
