none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
