when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
the liver wants what the liver wants
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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