Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
