This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
