Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize