about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
