honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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