Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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