Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
