I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
