Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
