I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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