Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Randomize
