Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
