You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
