We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
