dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
