she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
