i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
