she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
