I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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