How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The air was thick with penises
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
