Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
