Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
