Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I could make wine with my vomit
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
