If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
