he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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