Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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