Having a random hookup so left but love u
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
