I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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