I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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