i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
