I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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