she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
