In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
