Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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