I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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